Your Life or Theirs?
Have you ever, in an honest manner, asked yourself these two questions: What do I want? Who am I?
What do YOU want?
What do you want for you? What do you want for your life. What are your plans for you? Do you think of you, do you check on you? What would your life be like if you woke up tomorrow and you had achieved success? How would that have changed your life? Besides your bank account, what would have been better for you?
Have you ever tried to define yourself, to describe yourself to yourself? Can you even think of yourself separate from your job, your family, your friends? When you look in the mirror do you see YOU or do you see the version of yourself that you think the world would accept? Do you question whether THEY will like or approve of your outfit, your hair, your car, what you bring for lunch, how much you weigh? Do you want to buy that house because you want to keep up with the Joneses or because it is the right decision for your family? What is your motivation when you are at the gym, to better yourself or to make the world believe you are better, stronger, sexier? Do you want to be desired, to be the object of jealousy and envy? Or, do you like who you are when the cameras are off, without the make-up, the filters? How much do you like yourself when no one is looking?
Social conventions and expectations are not to be ignored because they establish norms that guide the way we behave toward each other; they help us live in a manner that is not too disruptive to the constructs and values that are acceptable to most of our neighbors. We live in a somewhat controlled socio-cultural lab. Therefore, we are influenced by our experiences and the environment that nurtures us. Our upbring, our education, our circles, our mistakes, our victories, all contribute to shaping us. However, what happens when social expectations become personal goals and are the only basis for individual development and growth? The result is that our inner, most intimate desires, our own self-image and self-awareness are minimized or corrupted to the point that they are no longer ours. We become strangers to ourselves. We turn into characters in a film that we portray, that we act-out on the world’s big screens.
The social media revolution has amplified these tendencies to live up to the hype or to the caprices of the moment and of the trends. The pressure is real and none of us is completely immune. One can choose to create a totally digital, totally fictive persona and completely utopian world that have no intersection points with reality. But how much of our truth are we willing to compromise to fit the narrative of the matrix? Why is the approval of others so important? Is it a lack of self-esteem or simply an adaptative effort to survive? Indeed, we do not just play to win anymore, we do not just fight to defend ourselves. Advertising the wins and the humiliation we inflict on our real or perceived enemies is as important if not more than the wins themselves. And if necessary, we invent the enemy, we fabricate the conflict so we can have a win to show for.
I have been seeing the phrase “success is the best revenge” a lot lately. But why is revenge so desirable if not for the presence of pain? If we only live to show those who doubted us, to show our exes, to show the job that fired us, the friend who betrayed us, the father who abandoned us, etc., when does our life stop being a show? And if we succeed, at what cost? Whose success is it then.
Dear reader, If the taste of public recognition blood is what satisfies your hunger, you may be unknowingly biting your tongue instead of chewing on the food that can nurture your mind and your soul.
The SELF that deserves your energy, the life that deserves your hard work and dedication must be fueled by the values that matter to YOU, the desires that drive you and the hopes that make your journey worthwhile. The life that you live should be the one that has the potential to make you happy.
The world will lie to you and about you, but your truth will not change unless you give it up. Your life is yours, whether you claim it or you decide to trade it for social recognition and acceptance.
So, what do you want? Who do you want to be today?
